Oil Chane Instructions

[GRAMPS SS]

Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >
> > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> > last oil change.
> > 2) Drink a cup of coffee
> > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> > maintained vehicle.
> >
> > Money spent:
> > Oil Change: $20.00
> > Coffee: $1.00
> > Total: $21.00
> >
> >
> > Oil Change instructions for Men:
> >
> > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
> > oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
> > check for $50.00.
> > 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
> > 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> > 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> > 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> > Cuss.
> > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> > Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> > filter and twist off.
> > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> > everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
> > trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> > 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> > gasket surface.
> > 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > 19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> > 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> > 21) Drink beer.
> > 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> > kitty litter on oil spill.
> > 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> > 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
> > oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> > tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
> > skin between knuckles and frame.
> > 25) Begin cussing fit.
> > 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> > 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> > 28) Beer.
> > 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> > 30) Beer.
> > 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> > 32) Beer.
> > 33) Lower car from jack stands.
> > 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> > during any missed steps.
> > 35) Beer.
> > 36) Test drive car.
> > 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> > 38) Car gets impounded.
> > 39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> > 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >
> > Money spent:
> > Parts $50.00
> > DUI $2500.00
> > Impound fee $75.00
> > Bail $1500.00
> > Beer $20.00
> > Total $4,145.00
> > (But you know the job was done right!)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>

[Prince Valiant]

I think the price of Dan's oil change was higher...got to ask him though.

[Yooformula]

damm Chris....plus 100000000 for you on that one.lol

[GRAMPS SS]

i was going to put that on the end...but i knew someone would bring it up....

[70challenger452]

sucks for that guy, I get a lift and it only costs me $7 bucks for oil and filter, haha

edit:plus I have a buddy that I have watched change oil at one of these places, Here the persedure, fill coolant and windhield washer fluid, raise in the air, let oil start drainging out, replace filter put plug back in no matter how much has come out, let down, dump how ever much computor says to the add another half quart and shut hood, do not trust guys at quick lube places

[Poncho]

ha ha ha ha, **** you.

[RanJer]

edit:plus I have a buddy that I have watched change oil at one of these places, Here the persedure, fill coolant and windhield washer fluid, raise in the air, let oil start drainging out, replace filter put plug back in no matter how much has come out, let down, dump how ever much computor says to then add another half quart and shut hood, do not trust guys at quick lube places

hey i work for an oil change place.. i dunno where he went but it wasnt there. yes we add what the computer says but then check it, if its off, add accordingly. the car gets drained until dripping before the filter is even touched. oh and spellcheck ftw..
i.e. procedure, windshield, draining, computer

[88Nightmare]

I get mine done at the dealership, only costs me about $2.41 every time. Costs about $24.91 if I get the tires rotated too