1. Baroque = Broken
  2. Casual Living = Your neighbors have a refrigerator on their front lawn
  3. Charming = Corners don’t line up. Sagging porch.
  4. Country Living = Your street will never see a snow plow.
  5. Cozy = Cramped
  6. Diverse Wildlife = Raccoons will raid your garbage. Bats will roost in your attic. Coyotes will eat your dog. Bears will eat your children.
  7. Urban Setting = Ghetto
  8. Family-ready = Previous tenants left toys everywhere
  9. Historic = Has ghosts
  10. Interesting History = Has murderous ghosts
  11. Laid-back Lifestyle = Retirement Community
  12. Outdoor fire-pit = Previous owner burned the garage to the ground.
  13. Private Drive = All your neighbors were eaten by redneck cannibals
  14. Quaint = Outdated
  15. Quiet neighbors = Cult compound
  16. Scenic View = Adjacent Cemetery
  17. Spacious = No windows
  18. Starter Home = Cardboard box
  19. Tree-lined = Welcome to the jungle
  20. Unique Layout = Architect was unlicensed and possibly schizophrenic
  21. Waterfront Property = Septic tank backs up in spring