What I've learned over the years.

[TraceDaddy]

1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time
to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking
how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag
himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be
vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the
right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid
the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat are really good
friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't
met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone
in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can
tell when he's really in trouble.
14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The"
and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"

[Irish]

That's awesome!

[Voodoo Chick]

Wow, every one one of those made perfect sense!!

[TurboMutantNinjaBug]

You forgot one... Always stop and smell the roses, and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.