Your soul is missing if you don't laugh...

[STANMAN]

The Canadian one had me laughing.

[badass88gt]

sweet17 : Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17 : just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17 : nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17 : well sorrrrrry
sweet17 : I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17 : nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17 : yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17 : paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17 : of what?
sweet17 : me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17 : LOL
bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17 : What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17 : gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17 : I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17 : For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17 : For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17 : You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17 : why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17 : One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17 : I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17 : hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17 : Hey sorry
sweet17 : I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17 : thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17 : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17 : IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17 : fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17 : alright *PIC*
sweet17 : Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17 : That was me back in may
sweet17 : I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17 : what?!?
sweet17 : that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17 : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17 : yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17 : kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17 : this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17 : You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17 : cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17 : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17 : Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17 : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17 : You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17 : you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17 : I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17 : I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17 : **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17 : You're a ******* *******!
sweet17 : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17 : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17 : I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17 : No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17 : You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17 : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17 : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17 : Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17 : I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17 : I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17 : cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17 : well lets see
sweet17 : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17 : doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17 : well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17 : I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17 : I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17 : What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17 : ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17 : You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17 : this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17 : Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17 : sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17 : mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17 : Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17 : mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17 : HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17 : this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17 : WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17 : YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17 : **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

[Want_Notch]

Damn Danno beat me to it.

HARRRRRRRR

[HITMAN]

bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17 : WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17 : YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!

[97z2801ss]

wikked those were hilarious