Rappin' Rodney

WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD, BECAUSE . . .
>>
>>He said . .
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>>My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she
>>used me to time an egg.
>>
>>It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the
>>lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
>>
>>Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing
>>a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
>>
>>A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody
>>home." I went over. Nobody was home!
>>
>>A hooker once told me she had a headache.
>>
>>I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
>>
>>If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
>>
>>I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I
>>said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She
>>said, "No, I hate myself now."
>>
>>I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
>>That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag
>>over her head comes off.
>>
>>I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex
>>offenders.
>>
>>My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the
>>kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
>>
>>I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested
>>for mooning.
>>
>>The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I
>>asked him, "Why?" He said, "Because you came home early."
>>
>>My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
>>
>>I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear
>>the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
>>
>>My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the
>>meal.
>>
>>My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me
>>from Chicago last night.
>>
>>My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I
>>wouldn't of had anything to play with.
>>